Realisation
by Tenkuu no Gisela
Summary: Darien suddenly can't transform into Tuxedo Mask anymore. Does it have anything to do witht he fact that Serena is finally going out with Andrew? (what a dumb question. :) )


DISCLAIMER: Sailor Moon and all respective characters belong to their respective owners, and not to me. So, please don't sure me, cause you won't get anything.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Darien Shields sat on his bed, gazing out towards the Tokyo sky. The familiar headache that came on when ever Sailor Moon was in trouble had begun to plague him again. The throbbing, pounding sensation wouldn't leave him alone go until he had transformed. He held the rose that triggered his transformation and said the words that would change him from the Darien Shields that everyone knew and loved (he hoped) to Tuxedo Mask, protector of the Sailor Soldiers and the Moon Princess. He waited..and waited...and...nothing happened.  
  
"Damn."  
  
He clung to the bed in fear. He felt like the was going to collapse.   
  
'What's going on?' He thought. 'Had the negaverse youmas finally discovered my secret?'  
  
His head continued to throb...he felt like he was going to throw up. There was nothing he could do to help Sailor Moon now. He thought about her. Maybe, if he tried again it might work. He grabbed his rose...and nothing happened. Instead, his mind was filled with the images of Serena he had seen today...  
  
***A FEW HOURS EARLIER***  
  
He knew that she was going to round this corner soon. That's why he kept walking. He rather enjoyed the bickering that always came after she slammed into his hard chest. Sure enough, within a moment...  
  
"Darien! Baka! I'm going to be late! For a very important date!"  
  
"No kidding! What's with the dress?"  
  
Darien looked down at her. She looked very different from her usual sailor school uniform. She was wearing a dark navy blue dress that manged to show off her long legs nicely. Her eyes seemed bluer, even more glowing that usual. They had glistened for a moment, but it fled as soon as she had met his eyes. Her hair was up in its usual odangos, but something seemed different. He couldn't place it.  
  
She cleared her throat.  
  
"Andrew asked me to the opening celebrations of the new video arcade across Tokyo. He said he'd pick me up at the arcade at 4'o'clock, which it is now. So, if you'd excuse me, I have a very important date. So, goodbye."  
  
She left him standing at the corner, alone. He was stunned beyond belief.   
  
'Andrew going out with Serena?' Darien thought 'What is he thinking? He's got to be leading her on or something. Didn't he already have a girlfriend? Yeah, what about Rita?'  
  
He didn't really have anything to go to around that corner. He just walked it so he'd have an excuse to talk to Serena everyday. He turned around, and walked back to the arcade, just in time to see Andrew drive off in his little car, with Serena. He stopped, and watched them drive off until he couldn't see them anymore.  
  
'Of course, it's not any of my business, really. I mean, if Andrew wants to ask Serena out, and she accepts, it's not like I can stop it. I mean, it's not like I like her or anything. Well, she's a nice person, most of the time, and I think that I might really, really like her. Wait a second, where the hell did that come from? Of course I don't like her. I mean, look at her! Those funny lookin' odangos and that bunny obsession and the blue eyes that I could drown in... stop, damnit! Darien! You can't edge in if she likes Andrew. I mean, it's not like I've ever done anything terribly nice. Except save her life, but that doesn't count.'  
  
By the time that Darien had gotten back to his apartment, night had fallen. The stars were out, blinking brightly. He sat on his balcony, and watched the laser lights from the other arcade light up the night sky. He couldn't take it anymore, the idea of Andrew and Serena alone together...when really he wished it was him with her tonight. So he went to bed.  
  
*** A FEW HOURS LATER***  
  
He still couldn't transform. But he couldn't let her down! He had to keep trying! Around sunrise, he finally gave up. He had a feeling that she was alive, but he could've helped her. She could be hurt, or sick, or.... He had always looked forward to seeing her and saving the day. She would have looked up at him with those big blue eyes of hers, and smiled. He thought that that was the real reason that he even became Tuxedo Mask. It was a saturday, and he knew that she would be at the arcade, bright and early. Well, maybe not early. He got up, and got dressed. The headache wouldn't go away, no matter what he tried. He didn't want to take any more tylenol because he had already finished off the recommended daily dosage before 6:00. (AN: Darien follows the rules. Isn't he such a nice guy? Anyone know if he had younger brothers?)  
He walked down towards the arcade, and walked in. The chatter was normal, but a paticular high-pitched voice was noticably absent. He spotted Lita sitting in a corner booth alone, and walked over.  
  
"Hey Lita..."  
  
"Don't you 'Hi Lita' me! Where were you yesterday?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"The fight! What do you think I mean!?"  
  
"Oh. I, uh, couldn't make it." ('damn headache. why won't it just go away?')  
  
"YOU COULDN'T MAKE IT!!!"  
  
Lita was obviously very livid with his reponse. He felt that he just couldn't tell her about the fact that he couldn't transform. ' I'm such a loser.' He thought. 'Why don't I just tell her?'  
  
Darien took a deep breath. He was about to tell her, but Lita continued.  
  
"You should have shown up! I mean, she always loves it when you show up and tell her how great she is and how she should believe in herself and all that. You'd think she's know it by now. But no.... the one time that the youma of unconfidence (AN: somebody wanna email me and let me know if that's a real word?) shows up and tell her that she is nothing, you can't come to save her!"br  
Lita had run out of breath, but the ringing in Darien's ears didn't stop. In fact, it seemed to get louder. br  
The headache raged, and Darien felt sick. How could he have not shown up?   
  
"Where is she?" Darien choked out.  
  
"The hospital, dumbass. The youma got her bad. It used some funky attack. 'Rose Lover Destroy.' She's out cold."  
  
"Where was Andrew?" Darien couldn't believe he was still concious. The pain was so intense, he felt he belonged in the hospital too.  
  
"She never went to the party with Andrew. She realised....never mind. The youma sprung us. We destroyed her, but Serena was weak with her lies. She used her scepter, but it drained all her energy and she collapsed.   
  
"She didn't go to the party with Andrew? But why?"  
  
"She doesn't like him nearly as much as she likes ... never mind! She wouldn't want me to tell you, espcially after that little episode."  
  
Darien's heart slammed in his chest. It felt a lot like getting slammed by Serena. Without a word to Lita, he took off, running as fast as he could. His headache kept pounding. The ringing morphed into a squeal as he got closer to Serena.  
  
It didn't take hime long to get to the hospital. It was conviently located closer to Serena's house. br  
He ran up a flight of stairs. He didn't know how he knew where Serena was. Maybe it was part of that connection they had. He turned into the first room he saw, and spotted Serena. The bed she lay on was white, about the same shade of her face. She wasn't hooked up to a lot of things, because she was merely out cold. It wasn't like she was dying. Right?  
The squealing faded out as he approached her bed. He thought he was beginning to understand. Luna was lying at the foot of the bed. She stretched and meowed.  
  
"Hello, Darien."  
  
"Hey Luna."  
  
"Darien, you appear ill. Are you all right?"  
  
"Rough night. Can I ask you something?"  
  
"You may."  
  
"Say, hypothetically speaking, one of the sailor soldiers suddenly couldn't transform anymore. Do you know why that would be?"  
  
"Darien, just for the added comfort of simplicity, let's say this is you, all right?"  
  
"OK."  
  
"This only happens when a sailor soldier, or Tuxedo Mask, try to lie to themselves, or, in rare cases, when they don't want to transform."  
  
"Lie to themselves?" Darien had that sinking feeling that this was what was wrong with him.  
  
"Yes. Sometimes things, or feelings, happen, that you just don't want to recognise. This blocks the flow of energy. You can't transform."  
  
"I think I understand, Luna."  
  
Luna smiled in the way that only magical cats can. She leapt gracefully off the bed, and crept out the door.  
  
"I think I might have heard Artemis calling me. I'll be back, Darien."  
  
Darien nodded gratefully, and sank down into the chair by Serena's bed. He held his head in his hands, and sighed.  
  
'What am I holding back?' He asked himself. He knew. For a moment, he hesitated, then he stood up and went over to Serena's bedside.  
  
"Serena?"  
  
Darien waited. He wanted to be sure that she was still unconcious. He wanted to be true to himself, but he didn't want her to know. When she didn't move, he continued.  
  
"Serena... I think I love you. I mean, I know you don't love me back. I'm a jerk, really. But you should know. At least, I have to tell you. I think I've always loved you. I just can't seem to say it the way I want to. So it comes out like I hate but really I love you. Always. So, um, now you know."  
  
There. He had finally admitted it to himself. He knew he sounded like an idiot, but that was OK. He smiled, and leaned forward to gently press a kiss to her lips. He felt a hell of a lot better now, like a burden was lifted off his shoulders. He smiled. Making sure that no one could see him, he took out the rose that triggered his transformation. Within a few moments, he was Tuxedo Mask again. Soundlessly, he leapt from the window to the ground beneath.   
  
Serena, lying on the bed quietly, opened her eyes. She touched her lips, and sighed, like a lovesick schoolgirl.  
  
"Darien? I think I love you too."  
  
  
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The End  
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End file.
